Decide if this is right for YOU - Are you all in? Are you on the fence about having kids, and/or are you unsure if you want to raise a baby without a partner, at least for the near term? You are the only one who can answer these questions. Read books, listen to podcasts, call friends of friends, talk to doctors, think, exercise, journal, whatever it takes, but only you can decide.

Think about the How - good old fashioned sex, IVF, IUI, adoption, surrogacy, fostering. There are a lot of ways to make a baby, but figuring out what is right for you, your body, and your finances can sometimes be overwhelming. Start asking questions, making calls and getting closer to the answers you need.

Build Your Team: If you decide to try to carry your baby, often the next step is finding a great fertility team in your city. I recommend a group you trust, that is hopeful, warm and kind because these are the people who will help you make a family, so if they treat you like a statistic, then find someone else. Make calls, schedule meetings, find a good fit. This step also applies to adoption and fostering also - find the experts and supports that you need.

Make a Plan: For pregnancy, after some tests, you will have a better sense of how hard your body may need to work and the support you might need to get pregnant. That might be medication, shots, lifestyle changes, or finding sperm and/or egg donors. For adoption and fostering, work with your team to plan what documentation, financial support you need to get in place. Take it one step at a time, it’s often a marathon not a sprint.

Get Your $$ Ducks in a Row: As an after school special once told me in the 80’s, making a baby takes 3 things: an egg, some sperm and a warm home. For sperm, you could ask a friend, or pick a donor from a reputable sperm bank. For egg you could also use an egg donor or your own. And for a warm home, you can use your own uterus or someone else’s through surrogacy. There’s IUI, ICI, IVF and a lot of other acronyms. Each one of these options costs money, and the more you layer on, the more expensive it gets. There are also grants and payment plans to help. Finances are a big part of this process, so wrapping your head around it and planning accordingly is important. 

Be Patient/Meditate/Drink/Run/Binge Netflix: Whatever keeps you sane, do it. This adventure may take a while, (for me, two years) and potentially involve some starts and stops, some highs and some heartbreaks but with the right team beside you, you take it day by day and I wish for you that it works. If the first path doesn’t, move to the next, there so many ways to make a family. 

Snuggle, sleep, eat, cry, laugh, repeat: Once you are pregnant, or your baby arrives via surrogate or adoption or foster or stork or dragon egg or by planting unicorn tears in your backyard or however, whatever you decide is right for you, the adventures in actual single parenting truly begin. I’m learning every day how to do it, and stumbling all along the way, but it is everything I ever dreamed it would be.